Shy or Silly

It's weird that some people think I'm silly in a disgraceful way and others are sensitive that I'm not and respect my efforts at communication.  I guess everyone already has me on their "shit list."

Growing up, I was always considered "sweet," "smart," and "shy."  Why is me "coming out of my shell," as people told me to do, considered silly?

People at school wanted me to come out of my shell, but a large percentage of people I'm related to seem to think it's silly.  They blame their family issues on me.

Oh, and, also, when I invited friends over, they said I wasn't shy at all and just really loud and talkative or something.  They wondered why I seemed shy at school.

Funny, my family some wanted a private life and rejected wanting to exist in my situation or acknowledge certain things, but now my family issues have gone global, save the fact they broke lose at all.

My family life and extended family life … have fallen apart.

My few friends fled ferociously, with me to blame for our "disagreement."

I don't have much socially, as I'm just on people's "shit list."  There are some people who are nice to me, but I'm still "in the dog house" the way they see it.  There are other things going on in my life, on top of that, and people with secret relationships with me who people try to keep me from associating with.

A lot of strangers think I'm silly, I know here in the Orlando area, just because they only believe in certain things that make the happy they hope at the end of the day.  I know they can't even stand that I can be alone in my room to think and post online, etc.  They think I should be thrusted in harm's way, for some oddball reason.  Orlando has some wayward thinking, and they don't even realize it.  I know for a fact they have real problems and expect to come out on top, whereas others they can trample below their feet without consequence, like they do in the Orlando area.  I'm not here to be fought and have people realize things about me and magnify them like they mean something bad and are a big deal.  That's what passerby walking do here, at least to me.  I know things.  I've been in this area for 13 years, unfortunately.  I couldn't fit in the same way as I used to.  I've ended up "trying" different things.  I often yearn to live in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, on the beach, or that area, partially because I'm originally from there and liked it and it makes me happy and in new ways.  However, I am trying to move to Germany and experience classical music or study like I wanted or someday perform.  I am part German and my mom is from out-of-the-US, so I might fit in better than most immigrants.  I know nonwhite people like being nonwhite, but I like being white, so there exists some difference.  Asians pass as white, but I may have Southeastern Chinese and some Polynesian, which has Australoid, black tribes from Australia, according to Wikipedia.

"Those were the days."

2005 started a special time.  It was probably due to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) coming out because it involved Johnny Depp as the star and Tim Burton as the director.  There was even a group on Facebook about Johnny Depp, Tim Burton, and the composer Danny Elfman.  Someone became sorta famous making a digital puppet show and dialogue on the musical Sweeney Todd (2007) which involved Tim Burton as director and Johnny Depp as the star.  Alice in Wonderland (2010) also had Tim Burton at the helm with Johnny Depp as the digitalized Mad Hatter, digitalized meaning his eyes were enlarged, and Helena Bonham Carter with her head enlarged in Alice in Wonderland starred in at least 3 movies with Johnny Depp and Tim Burton and had a son and younger daughter with Tim Burton.

So, my family had to relocate because of Hurricane Katrina destroying our home in the New Orleans area.  We moved in 2005 during the hurricane to the Orlando area.  I remember when life was still normal with the alternate world of the internet, for some that's just MySpace and Facebook.  Fantasy reigned until people took a sign to take a stand and say they aren't some toy to be obsessed with unattainable things like meeting Johnny Depp and weren't as interested in the franchises, anymore.  Life seems so invading now to our private doings, too, moreso with the stress of the last Presidential Election somehow, between Hillary and Trump.  I think both are great people but voted for Hillary.  I voted for Bush II, McCain, Obama, and Hillary.  I was hoping for a young female for President since the inspiration of Hillary running and Bush ending his term.

Anyway, things were just so open and anything was possible.  Now, at least, early Generation X has buckled down to some degree and are at it, trying to make the world a loving place.  It's too bad Late Boomers are reaching an age of retirement or at least look older, like death is almost seemingly just around the corner.  It's like Generation X is losing their parental generation too soon, and we are in great social need and probably don't believe in the saving grace of Heaven here.  I personally feel I've slept it off on psychotic pills I ended up having to take according to my mom or parents, if I live with them.

My life is not perfect, but I miss the "real" days.  Everything was a mystery with hope.  I suppose I felt unaccepted for the first time posting online, late.  I feel more competent in it in ways now, maybe because more people signed on and started something like Facebook.

The standards of Hollywood have been lowered from what they became after the success Johnny Depp and Tim Burton.  Maybe, that's why there's not much to hope for.  Plus, it's younger people in film and so the limelight is moved to a more recent generation to shine.  I think that Pirates of the Caribbean not seeming the same as when it started also made people dejected.  That's why there's less fans.  Much of the internet honed in on the best, like Pirates of the Caribbean.  Now, they don't so much.  I think Sweeney Todd was next, but that's not as discussed anymore.  I think for people it's Pirates of the Caribbean 1-3 and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005.)  They point to things like Sweeney Todd and Alice in Wonderland (2010) to say they support anything Johnny Depp and Tim Burton do, to suggest they like Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005.)  It was fun following Alice in Wonderland (2010) online and posting when IMDb had message boards, since the very beginning when they began casting in England.  When it finally came out, it was all over, but then Dark Shadows (2012) came.

So, with MySpace and Facebook changing, things are amiss, though Facebook seems improved in some ways significantly.  It's also sad Late Boomers are getting older and everyone seems to be fighting about it subconsciously.

The Movies

I just watched Halloween (2018,) which I've seen this and other horror shows on TV.

I liked the main character and something else I thought I forgot.

It strikes a resemblance to me that it's like how I feel that I'm not acting like it's okay people acted mean to me out and about Orlando / Central Florida.  I know people from here like to go through things, however evil, to "get" the full experience.  Well, I'm not really thinking it was okay.

The main character, the German-American looking lady, who possessed great strength, was, needless to say, on the ball.  I felt extra lucky to have this experience; it was cool kinda like Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017,) the last one where the original Princess Leia was in it, because of the lean guy with the black outfit and mask.  It felt like they were talking to me.  I just saw an ad on IMDb for the Mamma Mia (2018) DVD, and I felt sorta lost in this movie but had an interest.  I'm not sure what to say about Pitch Perfect 3 (2017.)  I've watched the 2nd one a lot and the 1st one more than once, when they came on TV and recorded them.  I used to catch the big movies and the animations, but I'm slowing down in this arena.  It's money and usually people find me off when I'm out and attend.  The movies are okay, the animations usually funny, but they could be much more pleasant in certain regards.  It's like the world ended.

Who Cares About the USA?

Who cares about the USA?

I know there aren't as many passionate, successful violinists, for instance.  If there are, they aren't as sought after in the big picture.

The largest percentage of ethnicity and of race in the USA is German.

Still, can we trust people who care? especially Germany? because they have good classical music and it's probably something people secretly desire to know or wish they played.

Attacking Parents of Other Races and/or Ethincities

Just because someone wasn't a perfect parent does not mean you can ruin their life.  They were actually much better than others, in some cases.  They might have it hard and will be fed trash that they should not have cared so much about their kids, but then they are reminded that they also weren't fun enough or something, something you do with other people outside of your family, in some cases it seemed back in the day.

Do you want people to have fun with their families and not socialize with you?

Youth in America: Classical Music Was "Good"

It seems like every violinist in the USA has a joke to tell, their story transmitted by means other than just words.  I know it's good.  I did keyboard instruments and church choir was my favorite activity.  Unfortunately, it did not prepare me to be a professional. I was probably considering opera or musical theater, too, and also did dance.  To tell you the truth, I would come back to classical piano.  It is a big study in music to play an instrument.  If dancers like the music they dance to, then playing a musical instrument is a great joy, if you're wondering how that's possible.

How Active are Musicians From Late Generation X?

I was looking through a list of blogs by violinists, the most active seemed to be the one named "Plucky Violin Teacher."  It seems she must be very active in her passion.

I went on to review the next blog, and she teaches plus performs.

You know, I started off violin in a group class my first year of college for Music Education.  I decided to try to learn it when I was 29 about to turn 30 in about a month.  I feel I could have had a good career.  I'm 32 now.  I considered getting a doctorate in Music Education or Music Performance moreso.  I'm guessing the "Plucky Violin Teacher" is already a great violinist but feels it is best to be good at something like teaching it.  Maybe, most American violinists are subconsciously confused about how they feel about classical music in the USA versus Europe or Germany.  That's probably why they seem so lethargic.  High school's over, and so is college.

Classical Music: Why People Do It or Don't Do It

For instance, I did piano when my little brother was a little kid.  He seems to have an extra sense for music.  I am guessing, therefore, that people who don't do classical music don't think the classical music that is out there is played well.  The other thing is that elderly ladies in countries, like the US or other than Germany, probably influence them to think of it in ways that aren't fun.  People like me get by because we're not tired of when we're thinking about it, for whatever reason, but meaning not tired in general.