"There's nothing in it."

What do you think of people being suggestive about younger people having a lot of talent in classical music but their having being unable to play a lot of notes?

I know when I was 12, at least I think 2 piano teachers said I was too good for their level to be taught, adults, and I started at 9 and learned to read music in school at 7 and 8, wanted to do music already as of age 6.

Now, I'm doing violin.

I might have damaged the nerves in my hands and arms when mad and become lazy in such skills for playing music, in ways.  Still, I'm considered over and above others who can play a lot of notes, or at least I feel that way, especially considering my level and age I started, compared to a lot of people at least.

It's funny this way, I end up with nothing.  No one can teach me or wants to teach me, for some reason.  I'm still "too good."  I don't really get any reward for being "too good."  People don't really like me, and I don't get to perform.

The Odd One Out

It's funny how I feel I could never live my life like other people, in certain ways.  I see other people out there making it, with long fingers that seem more slender than mine, nice necks, not a stupid-looking double chin, blue eyes, likable hair...  Where is all this coming from?  Do people with these traits really "make it?"  Do they just copy their parents or are they born with this in their future?  Is that why no one likes me or is it because I am 1/2 Chinese?

The Odd One Out

It seems like the people who like to hang out like a gang but with a more spiritually ecological cause are considered like groupies who banded together and made it out like they are me, like I "lost my title" as a goody-good, so they see.

That's what's wrong with my life with kids.  I realize they had bad childhoods in this world, but they've all banded together like they're cool and get to improve, like I don't.


I also noticed I took the backseat to driving, when people think about me.  They are in love with people who behave badly just to losen up the environment, but I'm not here to worship them doing that to me.


People keep acting like I am out-of-place rather than what they used to call being good at something or doing it how you're supposed to or moreso something else, being "talented."  If people recognize something seems attractive, they don't want to make friends but act like it's just a weird thing to happen and that it's seen as bad and outspoken really, which is bad because a lot of musicians are tacky in a serious way and it is known that people don't like classical as much as pop.


It's strange that these goody-good gang type people are like always having a moment that they were actually better than me, pretending I did something bad, though I sorta grew up on top.  It might even be racism.  I like to let people know my race, but sometimes people don't know anyway, so.  I mean, I was considered well-behaved and fun, sort of a normal person, neat, clean, you get the picture.

Rude

Why do people think of me as a problem, on automatic?

Everyone is waiting for me to lose what's most important to me in public more and more.

Why do they think they are okay?

I'm on top, now. Popular.

I may have lost relationships with most of the most popular Late Boomers I know or something  in some way tragically with anyone how they are important to me, but at least I know I don't have to worry about most of them or be concerned.

Knock Knock, Who's There?

People think that I can think of Early Boomers and the Golden Age as not only my parents but my soulmates, in some system by default.  It's not even for me but for their pride.  I am not little compared to them in relation to how little people even younger than me are, so put that in your math.

Shy or Silly

It's weird that some people think I'm silly in a disgraceful way and others are sensitive that I'm not and respect my efforts at communication.  I guess everyone already has me on their "shit list."

Growing up, I was always considered "sweet," "smart," and "shy."  Why is me "coming out of my shell," as people told me to do, considered silly?

People at school wanted me to come out of my shell, but a large percentage of people I'm related to seem to think it's silly.  They blame their family issues on me.

Oh, and, also, when I invited friends over, they said I wasn't shy at all and just really loud and talkative or something.  They wondered why I seemed shy at school.

Funny, my family some wanted a private life and rejected wanting to exist in my situation or acknowledge certain things, but now my family issues have gone global, save the fact they broke lose at all.

My family life and extended family life … have fallen apart.

My few friends fled ferociously, with me to blame for our "disagreement."

I don't have much socially, as I'm just on people's "shit list."  There are some people who are nice to me, but I'm still "in the dog house" the way they see it.  There are other things going on in my life, on top of that, and people with secret relationships with me who people try to keep me from associating with.

A lot of strangers think I'm silly, I know here in the Orlando area, just because they only believe in certain things that make the happy they hope at the end of the day.  I know they can't even stand that I can be alone in my room to think and post online, etc.  They think I should be thrusted in harm's way, for some oddball reason.  Orlando has some wayward thinking, and they don't even realize it.  I know for a fact they have real problems and expect to come out on top, whereas others they can trample below their feet without consequence, like they do in the Orlando area.  I'm not here to be fought and have people realize things about me and magnify them like they mean something bad and are a big deal.  That's what passerby walking do here, at least to me.  I know things.  I've been in this area for 13 years, unfortunately.  I couldn't fit in the same way as I used to.  I've ended up "trying" different things.  I often yearn to live in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, on the beach, or that area, partially because I'm originally from there and liked it and it makes me happy and in new ways.  However, I am trying to move to Germany and experience classical music or study like I wanted or someday perform.  I am part German and my mom is from out-of-the-US, so I might fit in better than most immigrants.  I know nonwhite people like being nonwhite, but I like being white, so there exists some difference.  Asians pass as white, but I may have Southeastern Chinese and some Polynesian, which has Australoid, black tribes from Australia, according to Wikipedia.

Who Cares About the USA?

Who cares about the USA?

I know there aren't as many passionate, successful violinists, for instance.  If there are, they aren't as sought after in the big picture.

The largest percentage of ethnicity and of race in the USA is German.

Still, can we trust people who care? especially Germany? because they have good classical music and it's probably something people secretly desire to know or wish they played.

Attacking Parents of Other Races and/or Ethincities

Just because someone wasn't a perfect parent does not mean you can ruin their life.  They were actually much better than others, in some cases.  They might have it hard and will be fed trash that they should not have cared so much about their kids, but then they are reminded that they also weren't fun enough or something, something you do with other people outside of your family, in some cases it seemed back in the day.

Do you want people to have fun with their families and not socialize with you?

Youth in America: Classical Music Was "Good"

It seems like every violinist in the USA has a joke to tell, their story transmitted by means other than just words.  I know it's good.  I did keyboard instruments and church choir was my favorite activity.  Unfortunately, it did not prepare me to be a professional. I was probably considering opera or musical theater, too, and also did dance.  To tell you the truth, I would come back to classical piano.  It is a big study in music to play an instrument.  If dancers like the music they dance to, then playing a musical instrument is a great joy, if you're wondering how that's possible.

How Active are Musicians From Late Generation X?

I was looking through a list of blogs by violinists, the most active seemed to be the one named "Plucky Violin Teacher."  It seems she must be very active in her passion.

I went on to review the next blog, and she teaches plus performs.

You know, I started off violin in a group class my first year of college for Music Education.  I decided to try to learn it when I was 29 about to turn 30 in about a month.  I feel I could have had a good career.  I'm 32 now.  I considered getting a doctorate in Music Education or Music Performance moreso.  I'm guessing the "Plucky Violin Teacher" is already a great violinist but feels it is best to be good at something like teaching it.  Maybe, most American violinists are subconsciously confused about how they feel about classical music in the USA versus Europe or Germany.  That's probably why they seem so lethargic.  High school's over, and so is college.

Classical Music: Why People Do It or Don't Do It

For instance, I did piano when my little brother was a little kid.  He seems to have an extra sense for music.  I am guessing, therefore, that people who don't do classical music don't think the classical music that is out there is played well.  The other thing is that elderly ladies in countries, like the US or other than Germany, probably influence them to think of it in ways that aren't fun.  People like me get by because we're not tired of when we're thinking about it, for whatever reason, but meaning not tired in general.